Cougars 102

Image by Malingering via Flickr

Leah Livingston | October 7, 2009

In the last session we discussed some of the expectations and realities of dating a younger man aka December-May Romance. Now we will address some of the more important considerations prior to dating the younger man.

How will your family members respond? Will they know about your relationship? And to what degree will they know anything? You may find this a difficult sell to an ex-husband or rigid conservative parents. The larger issue is that the practice remains socially embarrassing and inappropriate with certain people.

The first knee-jerk reaction is to say "I don’t care what they think, I love him!". We are very emotional in our thinking, but weigh the impact of your relationship on others. I wish I had done this earlier because it would have changed my perspective. Understand that if you had never been alienated by people before such as friends and family, it can really happen.

Parents may decide to distance themselves from you including the grand-kids, or the ex-husband may decide to go for full custody, as well, the children may reject your new beau. I had the latter experience. The issue of disciplining the children is commonly left up to us women and he could find himself being nothing more than a household supervisor with no real power or authority outside of babysitting. Ladies, this is where he gets bored and starts looking elsewhere. The last thing that these guys want is to wind up like their parents, stoic, old and socially irrelevant. Isolation rarely works in that you cannot provide the same thrill associated with a younger woman.

The best way to look at the younger man is a young millionaire who just bought his first Ferrari and does not know how to start it or drive it. He likes the thumbs-up from the friends, but is nervous as hell. We have to get on the sneakers and keep up with a little faster paced lifestyle. Now you need to ask yourself if you can endure.

Also, another issue that is common in these relationships are the occasional late nights out without you. Are you willing to put-up with this on occasion? Remember, you had your fun during his time and he may not be willing to forfeit his time all together for you. The worst case scenario would be driving around clubs where 20 and 30 somethings hang out looking like his mother in a sense. This means that there has to be a level of maturity for both you and he.

Don’t be surprised if he keeps you a secret from both his friends and family with the exception of a few male buddies he brags to regularly. You may resort to doing the same thing. Another element of this relationship would have to do with mutual friends and socialization. Along with what will they have in common.

We will discuss compatibility in the the next session Cougars 103.